rahh

2007-03-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

Out of the 16 yrs of my life, ive never felt like ive known my sisters as well as i have tonight. ive never seen her opening up as much as tonight, crying like it was right from the bottom of her heart. how saddening someone who was the most cheerful, most humorous and interesting one out of the three of us can turn into someone so depressed and dark. like any light of joy was taken out of her. it got me depressed looking at her like that. the way she consoled her or more like lectured her showed me how much she's been through and how strong she actually is. i feel the guilt for thinking she was just purely depressed, emo. not knowing how tough life was for her, sometimes even blaming and mocking her. i feel so ashamed. it wasnt anything abt the outside, being skinny or looking pretty. it was the damaged self-confidence and the 10 yrs of mockery she had to face. now the same thing's happening to her. i simply cannot say that i understand because i do not. i havent been through what they've been through and havent felt the pride thats been hurt. people are often so quick to judge and comment. but whatever one has to criticise abt another, is simply to cover up their own insecurities. noone is perfect, everyone is different. and if we keep harping on how one part of us is not as good as someone else, or how we try to change sth thats not within our control. there's no way we can ever be happy. dont we all wanna be happy? yes, sometimes pointing our fingers to say sth might be just a joke as many wld say. but have we ever thought of the consequences behind the words we say? the degree of hurt thats been inflicted on that person. if friends are those who hurt/judge/manipulate and try to change you, then they are not your true friends. live life the way you want to, not the way everyone's living it. life lessons ive learnt today, i felt like she was mitch albom really. i see her in a different light today and i respect her so much more, for who is is happy to be. herself.

2007-01-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

#1 jealousy
#2 over-dependence
#3 insecurity
#4 dissapointment
#5 hatred

i never knew i cld feel so much for someone. the revelation of emotions over 6 yrs, has it been worth it? noone likes to be a bitch, but it seems you've turned me into one. no blame on you really, i dont think you've realised the consequences of your actions.

i miss all the times we were tight as a dead knot. literally dead. i cldnt imagine my life without you. even though i was in a blur of what you were actually doing, i was happy. blindly happy. so now that ive found out things, good or bad i wonder, shld i allow things to go back to the way it was?

i feel bad bitching abt you. but i still do. youre probably the only person i feel bad bitching abt, not that everthings not true. but instead because everythings real, hardcore facts.

i feel sorry for you, because as youre dwelling in the your limelight, i think youve failed to realise that the other side of the world hates you. i wanna help you, but i cant seem to put down the many times you've deceived and made use of me. who wldnt have felt the anger, im amazed by my tolerance level really. but at the same time, i havent forgotten the good side of you. though i even have doubts abt that, i choose to believe that there's still a part of you that i know.

our relationship confuses me now really. what are we, friends of convenience? so everythings just fake and to our benefit? or is there still sth worth treasuring? i doubt ill ever know.

lets just see where the future takes us.

2007-01-03T05:33:00.000-08:00

is god trying to make a fool out of me, seriously.
i thought i saw a straight route in front of me
but apparently there are so many turns and i still havent gotten to my destination.
its all just a round about.
i wonder when ill actually reach.

it scares me how things can be so unfair sometimes
how you think you've got everything planned but instead it all just doesnt go your way.

the future is unpredictable
wld i be able to face whats coming my way?
the uncertainty is killing
it definitely aint easy to live without regrets.
ive learnt my lesson

2006-12-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

i used to wonder.
how cld yall be so close so quickly, stay close.
then break it off and become enemies all at once
but now i realise.
why that was all possible.

you get all tipsy, drunk(?) , fool ard.
mess with peoples hearts, mess with their minds.
claim its all your alter ego
but im telling you its you, its always been you.
act, deny, lie, repeat.
do you realise what youre doing?
i wish i cld pour a tub of piping hot water over you

so many people told me abt how grossed out they were looking at you in clubs.
but i think twice on believing.
why wld i believe someone else but my bestie right?
but then again, it happened right before my eyes once.
and all of it happening again, doesnt seem so unbelievable anymore.

yknow what, just call me when youre sober.

2006-11-29T22:42:00.000-08:00

i guess ill just keep the close ones even closer.
and for those who arent worth it, ill just forget.
might be easier said than done, but ill do it.

things are going so great between us. but thats what worries me, is this what i really want? are am i just deceiving myself like how ive been the whole time? till now im still unsure. but ill just go with the flow, because id never bring myself to hurt you. hopefully ill actually truthfully fall and know it at the end of the day. i love you, i believe?

Eh Listen baby, I don't wanna ruin your plan
But if you got a man, try to lose him if you can
Cause the girls real wild throw they hands up high
When they wanna come and kick it wit a stand up guy
You don't really wanna let the chance go by
Cause you ain't been seen wit a man so fly

2006-11-08T08:37:00.000-08:00

it was me
it is supposed to be me
well i guess i just got used it all being abt me

is god trying to make a fool outta me or what, i really do wonder. is this a downright competition or just some joke youre playing on me. i gotta say, its definitely not funny.

your success always seems to be at the expense of me. and it has to happen right in my face. !$%^&^$#@! it just crushes the confidence in me, i dont even feel me anymore. this is turning me into someone ive always been afraid of, like my evil alter ego or sth. this hatred, jealousy, sense of betrayal.

the jealousy you felt turned you into this, and now it turns ard to hit me. but no. im never gonna allow that side of me to surface. never. no matter how strong the emotions are, no matter how desperate it gets. i dont wanna be that kind of a person. i am not that kind of a person. at least im sure abt that. just keep in mind that someday. everyone's gonna find out. who you really are, what you've been doing. that wld be D-day.

yknow what, this is probably just gonna stay here. cos i doubt you'll never know how im feeling abt all this. but then again, i wont blame you. everything's just a pretty picture for you, isnt it. we'll go back to "supposed" reality and say, OH. WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY.

sometimes i wish fate wld help tear us apart so i wont be stuck in this cycle anymore, because you are, as a matter of fact, essential to me, and i wont be able to bring myself to break free from you. is it even a good or bad thing?

i wish i was a guy.

2006-10-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be....
a murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss up on my cheek
He's here reluctantly
As if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Our Love... his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore

the feeling that im getting
just cant be explained
feels like loneliness
but how can that be when i have friends
maybe things will get better after os
im just hoping
stick with me will ya.

to think im dreading the one thing that ive been looking forward to all my life.
PROM.
whats the world coming to
whats my life turning into
what have i become
i ponder.

2006-09-23T11:19:00.000-07:00

bitch blog
blog bitch
its all what everythings revolving ard now
im sick
& im tired
say what you wanna
do what you hafta
i live with a clear conscience
& im getting myself outta this circle.

i never wanted to get myself caught between the two of them, but it seems she got it all wrong. i was just being there for my bestfriend when she felt lonely. her security, all that her life was abt for that moment just came to a standstill, was i wrong just to be there for her. i had no other intentions, i did no instigations and i know i dont even have to explain myself. i knew the day when everything return to the before wld come. but i cldnt leave her alone, not even when people said she was simply using me as a spare tyre. i cldnt bear to.

so now i guess things are like how i expected, well. im just glad i was there for her through her tough times, i mean. thats what friends are for, isnt it?

watching this show which i watched 2 yrs ago made me think so much. how things were then, and how things are now. its amazing how much things can change. and ive got to admit, that im afraid of changes, very afraid. but judging on experiences, it probably cant get any worse than this. so if it does, god bless me.

if only people cld see what the inside has to say, then get totally blinded by what the outside has to offer.

2006-08-03T05:28:00.000-07:00

its only when you lose it
do you miss it
like i do now

with only the last few months of this 4 yrs left
wont be it great if everyone cld just set aside-
the past
the differences
the grudges
and cherish everything they have now
rather than to regret in the future

i wish

ive lowered my pride
ive done my part
all i asked for was a reply
not even an answer
so i wonder
is it easier to apologise
or to forgive
for now i no longer have any answers to my qns

wise men used to say
that if you admit to your mistakes
and as long as your heart is sincere
pple will understand
hmmm
do they?
will they ever?

it really hurts when things arent going your way
but it kills when everything just turns the wrong way ard
and it doesnt even help that im trying
with all my might to make things better

the view from those windows in my room really puts me in deep thoughts
even when the sky turns dark
the stars will shimmer
the headlights will shine
is this how god wants to tell me
to cling onto any hope thats left
no matter how little?
b'cos im finally saying
im losing it
or wait, have i alrdy lost it.

eunice chye pei ming
thank you is all i want to say
just remember,
ill stand by you
& when the going gets tough
our friendship gets stronger
i love you.

beverleemay
even though you might not be saying much abt how you really feel
i feel you
lets not keep worrying abt what happens in 4 mths time
lets just concentrate on the present
cos yknow,
even when the world turns their back on you
you've got me
you can count on that.

2006-07-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

aiight, i figured.
we're all in this together.
my insecurities, somehow seems like yours too
i have felt like a burden to you since last yr
and now with the whole commotion with her
causing things to turn sour between yall
i really feel guilty, i want you to be happy

even if i dont know your whole life story
even if i may not be the person whom you call every night
even if you dont consider me as your best friend
you'll always be mine
its just that sth special
even i cant explain

dont worry, even if time's not on our side
ill wait, cos i cant lose someone like you.
hand in hand, make our dreams come true

2006-07-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

you said you feared my confrontations
but hey, fear's nth like hurt.
can you imagine feeling lonely?
i doubt you'll ever get that
i dont expect you to anywayy

confrontation's gon stop,
you wont hafta fear ever again
but the hurt's like a scar that never heals.

2006-07-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

reminiscing does you no good, absolutely not when things were so much better back then. discussed it today, somehow i really wanted to simply say, i really miss those times we were so much closer, where there was this security that yknow, no matter what we'll always be there for one another. but i guess now, she's so much closer to izza cel and her gazillion friends, i dont have the right to tell her that anymore. its not like we're not close now, just.. not like before. its greed, i shld've just expected that nth ever stays the same, nth at all.

well, im just glad she's happy. ill find my security, ill be happy, just like what i promised sonia. seems like she's the only one who understands it all right now.

will you be my security?

2006-07-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

my best friend
and ive never felt so close to you
reallly.
pls dont let this fade again

2006-07-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

sudden rush of emotions, somehow im clueless abt how to pen my thoughts down in words. but then again, i needa rant.

whats done's, done. nth i do now can probably turn things around, or change the way people have alrdy perceived me to be. yeahh they say everyone makes mistakes, its no biggie. but do they actually mean what they say? i wonder. behind those consoling words, lies a black heart. lets just hope that aint true.

it funny how i cld bring the whole team up, then drop them. bring the team together, then break them apart (or at least away from me). it really hurts to dissapoint 10 people all at once, the moment of silence just brings me to tears, well heart-wrenching it is.

so dear to me, ever so close. one mistake of mine, just broke the thread that held the bond, what a grave mistake. forget, well maybe. but forgive myself? i think that'd be pretty impossible.

im sorry.

matters of the heart

2006-06-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

i failed.

i made a mistake
you were trouble
too much for me to handle
living in denial? you cld say that again
now im all messed up
only got myself to blame

i guess you were just too good to be true
but i simply cldnt take my eyes off you

2006-05-26T11:37:00.000-07:00

now you see the reason why i rejected this job so badly.
the responsibilities
the attitude
the sacrifices
were all not meant for me

the scoldings, lectures, and mean tasks i have hadta carry out
can you imagine having to do all that to the people dearest to you
the people whom you once had so much fun with
the people whom you rebelled against the authorities with
it hurts so damn badly
but i had no choice

i cant say im sorry
because yall deserved it
it was alrdy less than what yall shldve gotten
but i just wished it didnt come from me

but since i was driven to take on this indescribable task
i was determined to make the best outta it
make a difference
everything seems to fail
i guess im just not good enough
well noone believes in me
i find no reason to believe in myself.

i just hope things dont turn out too bad.
i can simply imagine the criticises.
it'll be heaven for me on 3rd june.

2006-05-12T00:57:00.000-07:00

no, dont use your mood as an excuse. this aint anything abt the temperature.

situations and complications has changed you, but its not your fault. its not like you cld try and stop it, cos you never knew and if only i had the real guts to tell you. well, sad ta say. i dont. im sorry, but i cant fit into the new you, nor the people ard you i have lived with, yet i dont seem to really know.

ive been trying to get outta this whole popularity contest and im not gon be dragged in. you have alrdy been caught in it, you love it and you know it. the fame was simply too tempting, and you fell right into it. youre not to blame, but you chose this path.

ive found my place and you know where yours belongs. no point tryin to change your way, its all too tiring. ive said, we're still as close as ever, its just we've gone our separate ways. we're better off this way.

2006-05-02T04:32:00.000-07:00

ive thought through it
once and for all
no longer able to withstand this mental exhaustion
no longer able to tolerate this uncertainty
i will put an ~~end~~ to this
wont we be happier?

6 yrs of friendship
what cld've been the problem?
things seemed so fine
we seemed so happy
but i guess i finally figured this out

6 yrs, with all the ups and downs
problems unsolved
questions left unanswered
feelings left untold
things accumulate
thats why we've reached this stage

nothing is impt anymore
trust has been manipulated
like ive said this million and one times
ive tried so hard and fallen
im scared of trying anymore
im tired of trying anymore

but ill still have to say this
because no matter what
ill hang onto the last thread this friendship is dangling on

i care and i trust
regardless of however far apart we might drift
you will always be this special friend
who holds this special place in me
noone can replace
but whether or not this place will be taken
is up to fate & us
ill pray and ill hope

2006-03-24T08:00:00.000-08:00

if only things were that easy
i wldnt be feeling what im feeling right now

i thought there was sth special
maybe for a day or two
then it turns out
to be totally different
strangers/ enemies/ aquaintances?
whatever you call it
id rather you vanish
really.
before i fall right into it.

2006-03-17T19:51:00.000-08:00

thumpthumpthump
good or bad?
i dont know.

things might not have taken a turn
a good change is far from happening.
but yknow whatt
bestfriends will always remain bestfriends
and im sure we will.
i still love you
i always did.

2006-03-16T21:22:00.000-08:00

embrace me tight
what a special night

dang, pls dont make me love you.

mabel!
dont fall
pls dont fall.

2006-03-15T05:47:00.000-08:00

everything seems to be falling downhill.
i cant stop it
howww.

2006-03-02T06:08:00.000-08:00

its all returning to how it was
were those tears real?
if ive to repeat all that i did to try and make things better,
i'll surrender now.
cos i dont have that stamina anymore.

2006-02-21T06:48:00.000-08:00

dont raise my hopes then drop it
dont give me all that ive ever wanted then take it all away from me
dont let me experience all those great times with you then make me cry
dont do this to me

2006-02-21T06:44:00.000-08:00

my name just slides down the list so easily
and someday when ive been forgotten
it wont even be on the list anymore
how did things get to this state?

sometimes misconceptions arent corrected
sometimes misunderstandings arent cleared
everything just builds up over time
the suspicions
the tensions
the hatred

politics, get me out.

2006-01-24T05:46:00.000-08:00

i need you.
it was lie trying to tell myself i could move on
cos i cant
i cant move on without you

your bestfriend
your sole confidant
your partner
your one & only
can you imagine if all that is taken away from you?

i dont feel the connection
i dont see no communication
why is this all happening
now, why dont i have an answer

its breaking my heart as we drift apart
i promised you id never happen
you promised me too
but its happening now
thats a fact
can i not face it?

i miss you but whats the point of saying that
its not as if anything's gon change
its not as if the insecurities will disappear
its not as if we can be like before
just like i hope for.

am i too caught up with my own life
or did i purposely keep myself busy till i can barely breathe
to stop myself from facing all these fears
what i had seen comin way before
to numb myself from all the pain
of the realisation of what true friends really meant
who am i?
im too busy to stop and think
im overexhausted

the lacinque
the five
the sac
these are all just names
real friendship?
far from that.

we talk, we laugh we play.
we sit together all the time
everyone thinks we're best friends
but it ends there.
do we really understand each other
do we really bother to care abt whats going on in each other's lives
do we really givadamn abt each others feelings?
i cant do this alone
6 yrs isnt a short time
but obviously time doesnt matter
im still hanging on hard though it proves the negative
show me that you care.
show me that im more than a friend
a bestfriend, if you even regard me as one anymore.

a thousand thoughts running through my mind
fix it quick
cos im hanging by a thread.

2006-01-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

bestfriends all over again
isnt that wonderful?
yknow i always wanted it this way.

im sorry i had to end it this way
im sorry if i hurt you deeply.
but yknow i did it to stop things from gettin even more complicated
and to stop you from falling deeper
cos then itll only be harder for you to recover.

bu im glad it seems like things are going fine now
though i know better that its a facade you put up in fronta me
well, at least youre trying
and i am too

just always remember that we'll be bestfriends
and nth can change that.
i still love you
now only as a friend.
a bestfriend

2005-12-29T20:44:00.000-08:00

OHMYGODDDD
BLOODY HELL GET A MIND OF YOUR OWN
& STOP BEING SUCHA FOLLOWER!
IT JUST FURTHER PROVES YOUR PERSONALITY.
YOUR EGO IS DEFINITELY NOT SPOKEN OF.
IT JUST PROVES THE OPPOSITE.

IM JUST SICK AND TIRED OF TRYING
AND GOING THROUGH THE WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE TO PLAN IT.
MY BIRTHDAY & TODAY HAS JUST MADE ME REALISE IT ALL.
IM NOT AS IMPT TO YOU AS YOUR "LEADER"
SO YKNOW WHAT.
I DONT CARE!
SORT IT OUT YOURSELF AND GIVE ME A YES OR NO.
QUIT YOUR I DONT KNOWS
COS IT PUTS ME OFF.
THANKS ALOT.

2005-12-13T20:38:00.000-08:00

i cant take this shit anymore. ive been tolerating everything for 15 yrs of my life, even im amazed by my tolerance level. all the things you said and did, not only affected me, but everyone else in the family. so, are you happy? are you happy that youve created this tension to the whole family? are you happy that you caused every single member of the family to go through heartbeaks just because of you? wait. family, what family? this aint no family with you around. why didnt i just let you die when you were anorexic, why did i care so damn much. why? well, maybe cos i had a heart. maybe i shld be the one dying instead. whats the difference anyayy, i AM living in hell. search your conscience, if you ARE happy continuing with whatever your doing. then im speechless. cos ive tried and fallen too damn hard to ever try again. i quit. enough of fights, enough of tears, enough of fears. ive had it, the family's had it. i will just pretend that youre never there, an invisible person that has never been part of my life. just let you continue venting your anger, insecurities and whatever it is in you on me. this is for mommy daddy and marie. i hate you.

2005-10-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

i hate this.
but theres no one else to turn to.
i cant let anyone know abt this.
and i dont want to either.
this is my only way out.

back then,
when i had feelings for her.
the reason i kept it from you,
or anyone.
was because i knew it wld affect our friendship.
the three of us.
like how it is now.
and besides, i was running away from my feelings for her.
i didnt want it to affect how we all were.
wld i have admitted to it and told anyone?
no.
and besides,
i was willing to forget it and maintain our friendship.
cos it was more impt to me than anything else.
i was willing to forgo my other friends,
friends that were actually from my level.
friends that i wld have through my sec 4 yrs.
to be with yall.
was that not enough?

all these lies and untold truth.
caused you to lose your trust in me.
i can only say im sorry.
but were you always truthful to me too?
i always believed that.
although i knew better.
but i only had one thing in mind.
that you'll tell me someday.
and ill wait.
i had my many reasons for not telling you.
and the ultimate reason,
was to not get you hurt and maintain our friendship.
that was all i asked for.
call it white lies.
but they are all still lies.
its a matter of how you'd look at it.
and maybe someday,
you'll understand.
and look at it the way i did.

all these misunderstandings have been created.
and im not saying it'd be easy for us to go back to how it was.
but the only barrier we've to overcome is ourselves.
are we willing to let go of this.
are we willing to end it like that?
is it worth it?
now, im telling you that ive overcome my barrier.
and ill wait for you to.
cos you will always be my boo.
and thats whats impt.

for now,
id just pray and hope we'll work things out.
and get things straightened.
pour out all the secrets we've been keeping.
be it good or bad.
i dont want this to end.
i dont, really.
there are only two ways.
this can either cause our friendship to come to a fullstop,
or worse cause you to hate me like you prolly are right now.
or it can strengthened the bond between us.
like how i want it to be.
are we willing?
im waiting.

2005-10-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

whats this,
you read my posts,
you blog.
i read yours,
i blog.
whatever happened to our communication?
or shld i say,
whatever happened to our friendship?
smth, which we both treasured so much.

are we gon continue this,
or are we actually gon do smth to salvage it?
will we let our entries,
create further misunderstandings between us.
will we allow our emotions,
to ruin this friendship.

i know,
and ive known for a fact of 3 wks.
that you havent been outright truthful to me.
it was so upsetting to hear it from her,
whatever was going on.
i didnt say anything.
cos i hoped that you'll tell me smeday.
like how you said you wld tell me everything.
i was waiting.
and now all ive got to say is that,
i guess you really dont trust me.
and im sorry,
what more can i do,
to earn your trust back.
i dont know.
i really dont.

i had no intentions of anyone knowing abt this.
no one knows, nobody.
you were never meant to read that entry.
it was outlet for me, like it was for you.
but what can i do.
since you alrdy read it.
can you pretend you didnt read it at all?
obviously not.

i lied to you?
yes, i admit.
have you ever wondered why.
you see, now that you know.
did it make things any better?
no.

and even if i told you then,
when your feelings for her cld've been forgotten.
you think id still go on lovin her with a clear conscience?
when id prolly be thinking of the other party, you?
and id never have let myself make you sacrifice youself.
you really think id have done that?
considering how much i treasure this?
cos im telling you now, it means more to me than anything.

i hate this blogging thing.
its not working out.
and if we're gon continue doin this.
then, our friendship seriously has no hope.
and id never wish for that day to come.
cos i really and truly do, love you.
and you, know how much this friendship means to the both of us.

2005-10-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

are you real?

2005-10-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

secrets are close friends' worst enemies.
well, i thought you said no secrets?
then i guess things REALLY have changed.
like how i expected it.

why cant friends just STAY friends.
close ones.
must things always become so complicated?
or have i have overlooked the simplicity of it?
tell me im confused.
i just want us all to be friends.
really close ones.
like how we used to be.
was that too much to ask for?

2005-10-15T05:19:00.001-07:00

fuck it.
i really hate saying that word.
fuck.
so this prolly shows how screwed i feel right now.
yes, so fuck it all.

i regret not facing up to reality earlier.
cos now, its too late.
you have a new girl.
and someone has me.
i cant bear to let that someone go through the pain she's gone through before.
but neither can i tolerate this pain no more.

yes, i say im happy for you.
but that'd be a total lie.
just like how ive been lying all along.
saying: no, i dont and would never like you.
it was all just a facade.
smth i refused to face up to.
or admit.
and now, all i get is hurt.
cos seeing this just brings back everything
and somehow, sometimes.
id wish to be the person in your arms.
maybe its retribution.
for neglecting your love for me.

you said:
i miss you
but i doubt the day will come
for you to know or understand
how i feel towards you... why?

and now,
when i actually do understand.
its all too late.
and its all my fault.
its now my turn to ask, why.
its now my turn to say, i miss you.

im sorry for hurting you.
im sorry for making you live through that 6 mths.
im sorry for being so blind, not noticing your love for me.
or shld i say, avoiding.
but at least youre happy now.
isnt loving someone hoping for that someone to be happy?
this is a happy ending, like i promised her to be.
cos youre happy.
and thats supposedly, whats impt.

i wont hope for your love for her to fade.
cos if i could have chosen,
i wld have chosen for none of these to happen.
i wld have chosen for us all,
to stay friends.
close friends.
like how we used to be, 6 mths ago.
when i never knew you liked me.
when it was all just innocent, friendship.
love, was what spoilt it all.
and thats what im feeling for you now.
wait, is it?
im not even sure myself.

all i can hope for now is,
to forget i even loved you.
keep only memories of our friendship,
and erase the rest.
maybe, just maybe.
and hopefully.
id be happier that way.
cos you alrdy are.

Don't make me say
Don't make me cry again
Don't stop my smile
It's just a little while
but Goodbye
Goodbye is forever
I can't let go
of the smiles and the pain
I can't leave you
it's not the same
just one more kiss
before I go
But I won't shed a tear
And I can't live without you near
Just gotta hold back these stubborn tears
I never said
a single word
but I hope you know.

2005-05-31T00:19:00.000-07:00

take away this loneliness in me.

2005-05-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

PEOPLE CHANGE.

all these feelings are surpressed in me.
but there seems to be noone who actually listens.
i think im going crazy.

2005-05-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

people change all the time
as much as they dont want to.
this is what scares me

we may seem to be together all the time
but we're drifting apart.
i can sense that.

im glad i have you with me.
or i'd be totally lost in this world.
its all so confusing.
god bless me.

2005-04-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

you left me in contradiction.

2005-04-27T03:52:00.000-07:00

i cant believe we got to this stage. why cant things jus be like it was. why do things hafta change. i like it that way. but it jus seems like things cant stay the way it is. things jus wont never be the same again. and i hate that.

i cant believe you ditched us jus like that. jus for that popularity? who was the one who bitched abt her leaving. bitched abt her backstabbing us. arent you jus a living example now? search your conscience. i hate you.

i missing sonn so much i cant believe it.

2005-04-27T03:49:00.000-07:00

i hate this